I took away the Dexies and what happened surprised me.

Hiya,

I have not had Dexies since 2 January.
No caffeine either.

Yes. I know.

Who even am I? Living on decaf

And before you clap for my clean living era,

Let me tell you the bit I did not expect.

The shame.

Because I have had to come off my ADHD meds while I navigate a health thing.

I cannot use my usual supports.

No stimulants.

No cold water therapy - oh shame, no cold showers

Devastating.

Tragic.

Insert tiny violin here.

I champion all the things.

Sleep.
Supplements.
Protein.
Water.
Regulation.
Structure.

And yet.

Last week I was sitting with my therapist feeling like I was failing at being a “normal” human.

And he said something that stopped me.

“Mel, you’re a menopausal AuDHD woman who currently can’t take medication for either.

You’ve got multiple personal pressures and some significant family stuff happening.

And you still expect yourself to operate at full capacity.

You’re not allowing yourself any margin at all.”

Ouch.

Not because it was harsh.
Because it was accurate.

Here is what landed:

Somewhere along the line, as women, we absorbed this rule:

No matter what is happening in your body, your brain, your family or your life…
You keep going.
You keep performing.
You keep producing.
You cope.

Perimenopause alone can affect sleep, mood, focus and emotional regulation. Add ADHD into that mix and executive function is already inconsistent.

Layer in stress, uncertainty, health scares, caring responsibilities, business pressure…

And we still think we should be able to “just manage”.

This is the bit I see with my clients all the time.

Theyunderestimate stress.

Not the dramatic, obvious stress.
The low grade, chronic, invisible load.

Internal stress:
• Hormones shifting
• Masking
• Self criticism
• Rumination

External stress:
• Teenagers
• Ageing parents
• Business cashflow
• Team issues
• Health appointments
• The world generally being a lot

Then they say to me, “I don’t know why I can’t cope like I used to.”

Because you are not the same organism you were five years ago.

Stress changes capacity.

Hormones change capacity.

Grief changes capacity.

Medication changes capacity.

And when capacity drops, the answer is not shame.

It is adjustment.

But that is hard for women who have built identities around being capable.

Especially capable neurodivergent women.

We are used to compensating.

Overdelivering.

Outperforming.

Pushing through.

Proving.

So when our usual scaffolding is removed, even temporarily, it feels like personal failure.

It is not.

It is data.

Right now, my bandwidth is different.

Not worse.
Different.

And pretending it is not would be the real problem..

Because no amount of strategy works if your nervous system is fried and your body is waving a white flag.

You cannot out-plan physiology.

So if you are in a season where:

• Your meds have changed
• Your hormones are doing a remix
• Your sleep is rubbish
• Your family needs more of you
• Your body is asking for something different

And you are quietly telling yourself you “should” be coping better.

Pause.

Ask instead:

What would operating at 70 percent actually look like this week?

What needs to be trimmed, delegated, delayed or deleted?

What would it mean to give yourself context, not criticism?

We do not need more resilience.
We need more honesty about capacity.

Woman-owned. ADHD-powered. Unapologetically accommodated.

If this resonates, hit reply and tell me what your capacity actually feels like right now.

Not the aspirational one.

The real one.

Mel x