You're happy for her. And yet you're not.

Hiya,

Someone in your world just announced something.

A win. A launch. A sell-out. A feature.

Something public and visible and good for them.

And you felt it.

That specific, sharp drop in the stomach that has nothing to do with whether you like them or not.

That's the comparison hit.

And for a brain like ours it doesn't land like mild envy. It lands like a verdict – it’s an emotional trigger.

Here's mine from this week.

I recorded a podcast episode Monday morning with the gorgeous Sarah from Online Social Butterfly. Sarah is a friend. I have worked with her for five years. I know her well and I trust her completely and I was genuinely excited.

And then the spiral started.

What if I'm not as good as her other guests.

What if I talk too fast.

What if I say the wrong thing.

What if I know less than I think I do.

What if she regrets asking me.

Not a stranger. Someone who’s behind the scenes I actually know. And I was still comparing myself to a version of myself I thought I should be by now.

Last time I was on her podcast a year or so ago, the spiral lasted all weekend. This time it was just the morning of.

Progress. Uncomfortable, spiral-y progress. But progress.

The recording was awesome. Sarah said it was great.

It was all in my head. Of course it was.

Here's what I want you to know about why this happens.

We have something called RSD. Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.

Sounds clinical. Feels catastrophic.

It is an almost instant emotional response to perceived or imagined rejection or criticism and the brutal part is that our brains cannot tell the difference between the imagined worst case and the real one. The spiral before the thing happens feels exactly like the thing happening. Because to our nervous system, it is.

And it is triggered just as powerfully by anticipation as by reality. Which is why I was spiralling before I had even opened my mouth.

Not dramatic. Neurological.

Here's the other thing I've noticed about the comparison hit specifically. It is almost never about a stranger. It is about someone whose behind the scenes you think you know. A peer. Someone you have privately decided is at a similar level. And when they announce something,your brain doesn't just see their win. It calculates the gap. And files it. Before logic has even had a chance to arrive.

You don't actually know what their behind the scenes looks like. You just think you do.

So, what actually helps.

Name it when it starts. Not to make it go away. Just to create a tiny bit of space between you and the spiral. That is RSD. My brain is doing the thing. It will pass.

Don't make decisions while you're in it. Don't send the message, don't post the thing, don't cancel the booking. The spiral is not a reliable narrator.

And give it a time limit. The comparison hit can last hours or days for a brain like ours. Knowing that in advance means you can say I'm going to feel this until tomorrow morning and then I'm letting it go.

Her win is not your loss. There is enough. Even when RSD is absolutely certain there isn't.

The episode goes live on the 27th of May and I'll share the link when it does.

Want to know more about what I do with ADHD business coaching?

P.S. Speaking of spirals — did you catch that segway?

Don't let yourself spiral this end of financial year. Come along and be part of the best Finance Party you will ever be invited to.Show Up and Slay the EOFYPile will get you prepped and sorted for your accountant so they don't have to chase you.

Research worth reading: Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria in ADHD: A Case Series — Modestino et al, Acta Scientific Neurology, 2024 Neurodivergent Experiences of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria — Sandland, 2025

ADHD Village- PO Box 475, Clifton Hill, 3068, Australia